TRUST
KNOWING & NOT KNOWING
Peri-menopause is another right of passage for a woman, like menstruation, pregnancy, birth, post-natal etc. It is a time of great physiological, emotional and mental change, shift bringing with it many unknowns and new experiences. The change we feel at this time may be the first time we’ve ever felt that way, had those feeling, thoughts and the only time we’ll have these physical changes. The ‘unknowness’ of these sensations can make this time deeply confusing, challenging and scary. ‘What is happening to me?’, ‘How long will this last?’ and ‘What will life look like after?’.
It’s not surprising that during this time it is hard to trust things will be OK because neurologically sensations of ‘trust’ happen when the brain’s predictions are correct. We’ve learnt (know) that when we hear a ball whizzing close to our ear its safest to duck or we could get hurt. When something is new we can’t predict how it’s going to be. This makes it harder to trust things will be OK, we feel comfortable, feel safe, return to how they were.
How can build trust in our bodies, our minds and in our hearts to know we’re going to be OK and that the difficulties are experiencing aren’t just who we are becoming and will always be from now on? Buddhism teaches ‘the only constant is change’. We can take comfort in the fact that ‘this’, whatever ‘this’ is won’t last forever because we ‘know’ nothing ever has. We aren’t the same women we were in 20s, 30’s even. We are constantly adapting and changing. One of the ways we connect with this trust experience something and know it’s OK. Then the brain and heart learns we’re safe.
When it comes to managing these sensations you may find things feel easier if you don’t move against the tide. Perhaps instead stand in its waters, present to its strength, adapting as necessary to make sure the tide doesn’t throw you over.
“‘Fear leads to more fear and trust leads to more trust’. ”
I believe all the experiences of being human are pure sensations (physical, mental, emotional) moving through us, our field of awareness, consciousness, attention, however you wish to describe or understand it. What sensations we chose to ignore or focus in goes a long way to determining our experience.
This week we will being exploring being open to the experience of and being present to sensations of knowing and not knowing; the thought sensation of ‘oh my god I don’t know what’s coming next, what the hell am I going to do?’, or the feeling sensation of ‘Why am I so sad there must be something wrong with me?’ or the physical sensation of heaviness in the womb.
Being open to sensations doesn’t we mean we are trying to fix or change it, or even understand it cognitively. As always it’s your choice to explore the practices at your own pace and choice, how we make pad around the edges of difficult sensations and come to trust all will still be well, we’re going to be OK.
Reflections
This week you might enjoy taking some time to reflect or inquire into your relationship with trust. Here are some ways you would bring it alive this week.
Remember trust. Be comfortable. Tune into your breathing. With kindness ask yourself, ‘Can I remember or imagine a time I trusted myself or another?’ Bring this memory to mind. Notice how it feels in your body to remember trust.
Breathe in trust. Repeat to yourself silently as you breathe in and out ‘I trust all will be well’. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it, after a while of hearing it your brain and body will.
Welcome the not knowing. It’s hard to trust things will be OK when we don’t know what’s going to happen. At the end of this week look back at identify things you didn’t realise were going to happen. Spend a moment considering how it would have been to have known it was going to happen? Would that have been a burden a responsibility? Could you have actually controlled it? What would it have taken to do that? Then ask, ‘Is knowing always best?’